I read and reread your post, and at first I wasn’t going to reply. I don’t have what most people would call good news for you.

When you said, “I only know of two things that will make it better.” I assume you are talking about liquor and dope. I believe you when you talk about just going numb. Near the end of my drinking career, I drank for oblivion. I understand your position very well.

The only good news I have for you is someday, if you are lucky, the alcohol and drugs won’t work any more. Even as powerful as they are, they will no longer stop the pain. They will not provide you with any relief at all. Your life will have become unbearable, and you will look for the end.

But you are young, and your body is still strong and resilient. You may have years uncounted of misery in front of you before you find yourself at that point of incomprehensible demoralization at depth that is needed.

When the pain of active using and drinking becomes greater than your fear of a spiritual solution, then and only then will you have the needed motivation to change everything.

That’s the only good news I know.

Richard