Hi there Tamzin

I know about being scared to get help. And I know how hard you are feeling it will be to ask for help. But it is probably the one thing you can do to help yourself right now, and it is the first step to feeling better.

Actually, most of us can't pinpoint reasons for our depression. Not at first, anyway. I'm getting better at it, but it has taken me 20 years to be able to see that one trigger for my depression is stress. And guilt is part of depression. A bgi part! It's something many of us who feel depressed have in common.
I only have three suggestions:
1) Find someone you can tell about how you are feeling. Your dr would be my first suggestion.
2) something I have found helpful is to find out as much as I can. Try the library; they usually have lots of books on depression. Or online is useful too.
3) Be kind to yourself. Try to do something just cos you enjoy it - or used to even! Examples - make yourself a hot chocolate, have a bubbly bath, eat some chocolate....

Take care of you. No matter how bad it seems right now, it will get better in time.

Caroline