Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
I think when it reaches the point, where it's interfering with your normal life, then it's unhealthy and the person needs to decide whether they need help. In your case it's natural to go through that mourning process, even if it was a toxic relationship. Sometimes with toxic relationships, there's usually, some co-dependancy, enabling or the 'rescuer mentality'. This could explain that 'lost feeling' you're experiencing. It would be valuable for you, to think about what role you played in the relationship, so you can avoid picking similar partners in the future.
You might find it helpful to start a journal where to talk about your feelings and when you put it away - this could be your way of saying "I'm done thinking about this for the day"- then go on with your plans. I hope this helps and best of luck.
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Lynn, you are very right - there was a lot of enabling going on. I came up with some way to "deal" with what was going on, and sacrificed myself in the process. I fixed things to a crazy degree, and gave up a *lot* to keep things going. I have been thinking about this since we split, trying to get a handle on how I allowed it all to happen, and to go on for so long.
The funny (not "ha ha" funny) thing is, in the process of learning to "deal" with his addiction, I've learned to turn off my emotions and can basically "cut off" from them at will. When I start feeling bad enough, I have the option of not feeling it any more. It's really weird - I'm trying very hard not to do this, as I think it's seriously unhealthy... but I can stop the emotions from interfering with life, with relatively little difficulty.
I appreciate the suggestion of a journal. I've been doing it some, but not regularly enough. I have a tendency to pull out a pen when things are particularly bad, but forget to do it when I'm "ok".
I felt so trapped for so long - I grew to hate him. But now that we are separated sometimes its hard not to think about the good parts of him. This scares me because I don't want to get sucked back into it.