Since i lived in London with my ex, and after i left there to come here, i always thought i'd never live with her again.
She left me when i was 13, and i know it was the spark to everything i'm feeling now; forget the deaths, the constant moving, the migraines and everything else doesn't matter. It was all about her and me not having her.

I spoke with her on the phone today for the first time in a long while. I'm sure she gets annoyed because everytime we do talk it's all about how much further i've lowered myself into the pit of despair. I'm so selfish, i mean she's just had a baby, she can't give her attention to me.

She told me she can't help me until i am completely honest with her. So i told her.

I want a Mum.

I explained how she can't really give me attention with the baby, and she asked me if i wanted to go back to her.

I'm crying because, i'm happy. I get my mother back. She'll look after me and make me safe, and she'll give me all the motivation i need to be a real person.

I'll not need to sit in alone and cry over myself anymore.
I forgive her for running away; i understand she just wanted a new life, and i'm going to be properly part of it!