thanks, blue .

i'm prepared to be honest with austin-t, so long as i know he's not trying to get rid of me any time soon, and also once i understand his stance on (not) talking about suicide. the stuff we're building up to (the same stuff you're talking about with ftt) - it's put me in a bad place before. pdoc even suggested hospitalisation because i stopped eating (depression, not due to ed). was able to pull through without, but i need to make sure austin-t is someone i can count on, otherwise there is no point even starting that conversation. i don't want to talk about "it" in particular, but i know it'll come up when talking about moving out of home etc. i get that moving out will be good for me (finally!), but i'm still scared to do it. both because of immediate repercussions, and also scared of coping by myself in the long run.

re: meds. they only take 48hrs to work their magic. if things get worse i'll go back on them, but i'm currently compiling a list of good food i have to eat before venturing back . thai food, good cheese & wine, avocado etc - here i come!