You definitely need boundaries. When I first read your thread it was a bit taken aback. I cannot even comprehend knocking at my parents home, nor having my adult children do so here. But as I thought about it, my parents did have boundaries. My brother and I were never allowed in their bedroom. I remember being in there maybe three times my entire childhood. When my husband and I returned back to the states for a visit, they were going to sleep on the sofa sleeper in the living room and give us their bedroom (my bedroom had been turned into an office). It was so awkward being in there that I just said we'd rather sleep in the living room.

For my dad, the basement and garage were his domain. We didn't borrow so much as a screw driver without asking (even when we still lived in the house). He was very **** about his tools and he would get you the tool he was willing to part with even temporarily. He also did not allow us (as adults!) to touch his computer unless he wanted me to fix it.

But even growing up in the same household there are differences between my brother and I. I would never dream of say renting a movie, taking their car or making a long distance phone call when we are there visiting without asking first, this doesn't bother him a bit. Even when he stayed here, he was comfortable enough to help himself to anything, rent a movie, take over the computer or video game system etc.

When we made the trip out west to visit him, things were uncomfortable because this was his chair, the twins (14 at the time) were expected to ask for permission before they played his video games, before they could swim in the pool, watch TV or get a glass of water. I have to say they didn't think a thing of it, they were very well mannered and handled the situation very well. I, on the other hand, resented it a great deal and began calling him Bill (our crotchety step-grandfather's name).