Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P.
Usually with toxic relationships, there an incredible amount of drama and sometimes drama itself can be addictive - for some people especially those with the rescuer mentally, it becomes their main sense of purpose in life - trying to fix that person. So when the person finally leaves this kind of relationship, it's very common to feel empty. Those relationships are very consuming and the person's left with the feeling of - 'what now'? It's natural to go through weak moments when you remember the good times - no one's all bad, it's just the addiction that brings out the worst in them.
It takes time to get over relationships and you'll go through many different emotions, having good days and bad ones. Do you feel like you're coping well and it's not interfereing with other parts of your life? Is he going to seek treatment for his addiction? It's good to talk about your feelings - like you said so well, you got used to shutting your own feelings down because it was always, all about him. So now you need to learn how to be comfortable with your feelings, which is why you're wondering - how to tell the difference betwen normal grieving and abnormal feelings. Now you know you're safe to let everything out. You did the right thing in getting out and best of luck ((Sno-White)).
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Thanks so much for "talking" with me Lynn...
You asked how I am coping, and the extent this is interfering --
I am more distracted at work than I'd like. I can get by - but I am not as focused, and in that sense this is interfering. It isn't so bad that I'm not getting anything done, but my productivity has dropped. Most of the time I can force myself to concentrate and at least hammer something out. I can skate by this way, I'm not in danger of getting fired, but I don't like it. I'm naturally kind of an overachiever and giving myself permission to be less than 100% is not something that comes easily.
I live a pretty isolated life - there isn't much more than work and solitary stuff. I've been sort of forcing myself to do the 'solitary stuff', I don't have much drive for it lately, but if I do nothing I'll end up feeling worse.
I have a friend or 2, and am continuing regular contact with them. That is mostly email, I don't get out much but have been trying to do it occasionally.
I've been trying to lean on my friends, and I have been being honest with them for the first time
ever about what was going on for all those years. I don't think they really understand just how much emotional damage maintaining this relationship has done. I don't know how to explain it really. It's hard just being honest about it at all - after hiding so much so long. But, I don't think I'm going to get through this without some support.
I am not very good at this whole "accepting / asking for help" thing. It is new to me, frankly. To the extent I have other's in my life, I am usually the one other's lean on, (as you might guess from my having gotten myself into the whole enabling-thing in the first place.)
Ending this has changed many things for me, I guess trying to be more open and honest with my friends is just one in many. I don't even know what normal feels like any more. Like you said, I'm very accustomed to having everything be about *him* and now I have to figure out what I'm all about. It is terrifying, really, and I am living with this constant low level of anxiety that periodically is, well, not low.
