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Jan 14, 2010, 05:48 PM
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: In my head
Posts: 95
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I've been sad for a very long time and I havn't really been able to talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my family or friends...they just don't understand why I feel the way I do. When I have tried to talk to my family about it they have just kept asking me "why,why, why, why...why do you feel the way you do?" I havn't been able to give them a clear reason to why I feel so unhappy and they don't seem do understand that I'm just not happy. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm so unhappy.
Since it's really hard to talk to my family, I have been pretending that everything is ok for the last couple of years. I have been pretending with my family and friends that everything is ok and that I'm happy when in fact I am no way near being remotely happy. It's getting harder and harder for me to pretend that everything is ok.
And in regards with that I have started to get away from everything and everyone around me. I havn't really talked with any of my friends in several months. I don't talk to my family unless I'm forced to. This last month I hated going to every holiday family party I had to go to. I lied and tolds friends that I will be out of town so that I didn't have to see anyone. I stopped going to work and have not been working for the last couple of months. I told my family that I am still working and I use that as an excuse as to not see them as much anymore.
I have completely isolated myself as much as I am able to do, even though now I am living with my parents. I get up in the morning and leave my house by telling my parents I'm going to work and come home late and go to my room saying I'm tired from a long day at work. I spend my hours away just reading or watching movies. I read alot and escape from the real world into my books.
I stopped thinking about my future and stopped worrying about what I'm going to do. I am not even sure I want a future anymore. I'm completely avoiding making any decisions about finding a new job and avoiding responsibilities. I know I can't keep this up much longer...and my family will find out that I've been lying about going to work. I just don't care. I feel completely numb to the future and I'm just stuck on being sad. So Sad 
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"Trying to take it one day at a time." 
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