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Old Jan 14, 2010, 06:20 PM
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elliemay elliemay is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,555
Trust is huge issue for me and I still working with my issues there.

One thing I have learned though, is that trust really isn't about finding the right set of people that I can count on to never hurt me. Sadly, that's just not realistic. Even the best people, my therapist, my friends etc... are going to hurt me in some way. They will disappoint me, not follow through on something, be dismissive, thoughtless... And these are the good ones - yes, but all too human.

For me learning to trust is becaming about having enough confidence in myself that I can handle the inevitable hurts, and realize that the whole relationship doesn't have to go into the crapper. Man, usually, once I had been hurt (or even the perception of hurt), I would start building a rock-solid case as to why this person was just the evil, thus giving me plenty of reason to leave.

Now it's becoming about tolerance and a willingness to allow myself to be hurt, but carry on anyway.

Now, along with this comes the notion that good boundaries make good friends, parents etc... By that I mean developing a clear sense of what I will tolerate and what I will not.

Repeated violations of these boundaries may mean the relationship isn't worth saving, but I'm trying to make the conscious choice to do so. I'm trying to free myself from that constant tape that plays in my head that says "BOLT" at the first sign of danger. I think I miss out on a lot by allowing myself to do that.

It's such a process, this unlearning and re-learning, but I think it all centers on me.

On a completely unrelated (perhaps not!) note, I have a pounding headache...
Thanks for this!
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