I am sorry for not posting much, I don't feel like I contribute anything of use. I read my posts and I come off as bossy or bragging and I feel bad.

Lately I have been really stable. Feeling pretty good. I got a Lithium level done yesterday....and when I got home I thought "What's stopping me from getting the level back....then hoarding my Lithium instead of taking it? I could then have a nice stash of pills if I wanted a way out."

WHERE did that come from? I don't want to do that! I like being alive! I like not being depressed! I miss mania, but not that much where I want to not take my Lithium. I can't even think about lying to my beloved T every week about my meds, I love her too much to lie.

I just have no idea where such an icky thought came from. Although I wonder if it's connected to the session this week where T and I talked about my first bipolar episodes in college. I have PTSD related to that experience.

By the way, I am taking my Lithium as prescribed and am NOT hoarding.