Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I found several things that have helped me. I said little of any significance the first two years of therapy. Got very frustrating.
First, ensure that your therapist is the right person to whom to speak your truth. With the focus on coping, she might be more comfortable in the cognitive/behavioural orientation. It helped me to know that my therapist could incorporate what I said. NOT that CB therapists don't care about our issues. The help they offer can be profound, but I think by clearing a clear path for yourself, it will help you to feel more comfortable.
Second, I used to do "dropbox" therapy. I would write out everything that I wanted my therapist to know, and then leave it at his door and flee! At the beginning of the next session, just simply ask if she received your note. You DON'T have to talk about anything in it, but at least she'll know. I pay my therapist directly and used to put my payment in the letters. It would ensure that he would open them (he likely would've anyway, but in my mind it helped).
Third, I used to be very confused (probably still) about exactly what it meant for the client to be "in control" of the session. I used to ask my therapist to ask me questions. His favorite response was "What do you want to talk about" Arrggh! What I'm coming to realize is that whatever I may blurt out (usually out of frustration with myself), I can decide not to talk about it anymore. There is no horse that I can't put back in the gate in therapy. I can tell my therapist to forget I said something, and, well he has to at least act like he has. So even if I say something that I may feel is going to overwhelm me eventually, I can tell my therapist that I'm about to be overwhelmed and we can work on that.
Fourth, if you can remember your dreams, talk about them. I found my dreams and our interpretation of them were usually very soft ways to lead into bigger issues.
Hope this helps, these are just some tricks I picked up along the way to help my therapist to help me. They may not apply to your situation at all, and if not, I'm sorry I wasted your time.
Take good good care.
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Ellie-your T sounds like mine
I am much better about being "in control" of my sessions and what that means. It used to be very tortous as we sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. She just kept saying "whatever comes to mind" NOT HELpING, T!
the start of the session is still rough cuz I always find it awkward to start...but I've come to enjoy talking about whatever I want.
I've gone through periods where I wonder how helpful that can be, as highly avoidant that I am. Like what if I just talk about stupid stuff all the time or just keep talking about different stuff each time, how would I ever get to the stuff I KNOW I need to talk about? What I've (very slowly) found out is that my mind will keep pushing at a topic when I am ready to start dealing with whatever issue it is. And its usually one step forward and two back...but that next step forward moves you along incrementally.
All I can say is keep showing up, talk about your dreams if you can (my t sues them as a way to delve into certain topics. But I also just disregard my T if I don't want to go there
