I fully relate to how you are feeling. The last 11 years of my life have been a non-stop effort to improve myself. I always end up hanging myself, whether it be my job or something else. I am alone often. I'm afraid of reaching out to people. This is mostly because I am afraid they will hurt me emotionally. I am very sensitive about what people say about me. It seems as if the pattern of my depression eventually catches up to me. I am sick and tired of it. I see all these happy people all around me and people look at me as if I'm some psycho. I really am a nice person, though. I feel so alone and withdrawn from life and any sense of identity in my life.