I think it works both ways; people who make rude comments have issues with themselves and are projecting, just like people who "pay attention to" stranger's (or even thoughtless friends and relatives) are internalizing someone else's opinion.

The only opinion, thoughts, and feelings that matter are our own. The only way I have found to stop the bad feelings is to do something with/about them. I can't know what someone else is thinking so if they don't say anything, especially if they are a stranger and don't say anything, I have no real communication with them. If I think they are thinking bad thoughts about me, then I switch to myself and what purpose I have for thinking that (since ALL the thoughts I'm having are only my own!). I don't judge myself for thinking other people are thinking I'm fat (I weigh 245 by the way) but I do notice and look at what I'm thinking about, especially if it's bothering me.

First, I am overweight. That's a fact. What does that fact mean to ME? (the other, supposedly judging people are invisible to me by now because I'm focused on me, not them :-) Right now it means I'm struggling to get more exercise in my life but still am spending almost all my time in front of this computer. I've been on here almost 4 hours already this morning and it's only 9:30 :-) That's a conflict, WITHIN ME. I say and think I feel I want more exercise but I sit in front of the computer. My behavior doesn't match my thoughts and supposed desires. I say supposed because if I really wanted to get more exercise, I would.

But I have a history of not liking to do hard things, I was 41 before I learned that taking a class in school was 100% for me, no one else, no one else cared how I did or what I learned. I was in the middle of a midterm exam in accounting and was disappointed because I hadn't studied enough. Eureka! I was disappointed in myself! From then on, in the next 12-15 more classes, I got almost straight A's, a 4.0 in my major and the first classes after the accounting class was the first A I'd EVER gotten! Oh, it wasn't easy! There were times I didn't want to study, didn't want to do the homework, didn't want to finish the class or take the final exam (I was the past master of dropping classes, sometimes right before the final exam!). But I remembered what I had learned (the hard way; I got a B in the accounting class by only 9 points out of over 200 possible; not skipping class the couple times I did and being there to turn in my homework those times would have done it) and made myself do the work.

Now I'm working on losing the weight and exercising. I use to weight 272! Back in 2006. Do I regret that it's almost 4 years and I've only lost 30 pounds? (actually I got down to 226 but have gained back 16 pounds in the last year), that I'm still struggling to figure out how to exercise in a way that will work for me? No. There's no point in beating myself up, there's no eureka in any sense of disappointment in this case. All I can do is keep trying, keep working at eating better/less more often and trying to get more activity into my days.

Back to the current day/time/issue. So, I know what I'm struggling with (no one else can because it's my struggle) and who I am and how I'm doing and who's on first :-) My doctor says to me, "you could use a little more going hungry". My response? "Yeah, I probably could and your mother wears combat boots, doc!"

I would be glad if a doctor said that to me because I'd know he was not the doctor for me. His comment tells me about HIM. That's the only way it helps/informs me, it doesn't tell me a thing about me! I already know I need to eat better/less. I am working on that and that's the best I can do and I'm satisfied with that. Depending on how he would respond to my comment on his mother's boots :-) whether he'd get the message that he spoke without thinking, laugh and apologize, or just look at me, uncertain or angry or whatever would give me more information about him and whether or not I wanted to continue to interact with him as a person.

Why do you go to the grocery store? To shop for groceries. The people along the way are not necessarily part of the package. It's nice when they are pleasant or smile but that's not why you go to the grocery store. Going to the doctor for tests is not that much different. The doctor does the test and tells you its results. He may be pleasant or unpleasant; doesn't change the results. He may be a good explainer or not so good (like my doctor) that doesn't change the results.

If someone is rude TO YOU, let them know what you think/feel. It's a form of communication, what someone says? If it doesn't make "sense" then you say something that asks for clarification or if it feels ugly you express that in what you say back to the person so they know how their words to you struck you, what you thought in return. They may not have thought before they spoke and might turn out to be a wonderful person or their meaning might have gotten garbled so what they said is not what they meant or what you heard or thought. But if they respond negatively, you learn, "hey, I don't think I like this person, I don't want to waste my time and energy trying to communicate with them," and you walk away as soon as you can.