I was feeling consumed in inner anger at the thought of how my bipolar had relentlessly ruined my twenties, how my mind was a little 'off' and could not find a career or a husband or friends all throughout my twenties, just getting into things in my thirties and feelign scared to have my life back in order....me? I was always the running joke always shunned always the punch line......I had been diving into bad relations with men, diving full force, I was trying to FEEL something other than anger, anything at all...

I told my therapist I had been thinking of getting back into reading, he shared he used to read a lot in diners, reading was a way of life for him, I felt understood by him, he even shared some of his struggles with me.

I ordered the book "Getting a Grip," the autobiography of Monica Seles. I had been reading all the mental illness biographies up till that point, and wanted a change, wanted to get out of introspection and emotional toil.

Monica is refreshing! She struggled with emotional upheaval/finding herself, too, with a new lot on life, beyond tennis.

I just feel like this book is saving my life, getting me out of Junerain and into and appreciating life just as it is, that it would be lived by anyone, that I could write my own biography and it wouldnt even be that different in heart, than Monica's.

I was so wrapped up in my issues, and when I get wrapped up in another life, I feel validated, understood, and real, like a real person living!

I still have a long ways to go in becoming more oragnized and less emotional...but it's a start!!