When I read this, I thought of my younger brother...he is also about 6'4" 130 lbs...a football player. He goes to junior college at least, but comes home every weekend or holiday and sleeps at my parents house until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. He seems very depressed most of the time, makes comments about dying, death. He has had an un-ordinary number of his friends die in car wrecks or diseases. He is very mean to my parents, like you described, he yells at them and causes fights if they ask him to help at all. He is impossible!
My parents don't know what to do because it seems like any consequences they give him only make it worse, and are afraid he is in a delicate position. He is talking about quitting school and moving in with them. They don't want to kick him out, because they are afraid he may harm himself or get more into alcohol or drugs...."sigh"
goodgirl62, I just wanted you to know that I understand how difficult this situation is, even though I am the sister and not the mom like you. Love, love, love and acceptance of your son is important. It's so hard to get young men to open up and talk to you about what's troubling them. But I think Byzantine is right about setting rules...too.
Please keep us posted.