It sounds like your husband is on the way to alcoholism to me, or at least he is going through a time of depression and dealing with it by abusing alcohol. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years is a recovering alcoholic (about 1.5 years sober), he never remembered what he did drunk and was horrified or in denial if I told him later. While he never hurt me physically, he did have sex with me and say mean things while he was drunk. I understand your pain and how you want to help him with all your heart, but you also want to protect yourself.
Everyone is right to say that you should go to Al-Alon meeting. You ABSOLUTELY should. I probably should have myself. You should tell your husband when he is sober that you think he Might have a problem with alcohol, but you are not sure how to help him and that you are going to Al-Anon so you can get some support for yourself and him. Also counseling like everyone has said sounds great.
I don't know how happy your were in your relationship before you were married or at the very very beginning of your marriage, but I think there is a real chance that you can work through this with your husband if you are both willing to work hard. If he is an alcoholic, then he has a disease and cannot understand how he is hurting you right now. Maybe try the therapy, counseling, or Al-Anon before a divorce.
I am about to read your "updated post" so maybe we'll hear something good...
love and hugs!