Obviously, aimeesh is upset about her own situation and rightfully so! I think this may give you an idea of what might be going on with your own son...the type of emotions that are preventing him from communicating with you. Since you don't seem to really know exactly what's going on with him, I would say to use as much love and care as possible and yes--talk to him like an adult, even if he's not acting like one right now.
You son is young and there is hope, but I think young people today live in a difficult, complicated world--maybe more complicated than their parent's world.
Tell him with love that you want him around, but he is going to have to do something to help the situation--go to therapy, help some with chores.
Maybe you could ask him to do something fun with you? Take him out to eat or something? Break up the monotony of fight-yell-fight-yell. Just a thought...not sure if you have already tried this.