((((((((audrey)))))))) man, i sure do know those feelings!!! stop and take a couple of breaths. breath in thru the nose (tongue on the roof of the mouth) hold a few seconds and let it out thru the mouth (tongue on the floor of the mouth) do this about 5 times. ok.
i know the feeling of out of control, and the obsessiveness. and humiliation. it s**ks. i wish i could disapear sometimes. Ts are trained to deal with this stuff. perhaps you need to talk to her about a new plan. perhaps your insiders are taking up more time than they should leaving you little time to have your needs met. i have begun to recognize that with Vicki and deedee taking so much time. i have to make it a point to say that i need attention too. i have a real cool button that someone gave me years ago. it has this crazed looking line drawing person's head with I NEED ATTENTION written in a frazzled type of writing on it. i've been thinking that i should wear it to T when i need time.
hang in there hon, i don't know where this road leads, but i hear it's worth the hike.

w_i