Hi, I just read your post and unfortunately I don't have any answers for you or advice. I did, however, want to be supportive and let you know that I hope you can open up and talk more about it. Your post also made me realize how much I avoid talking about my issues (because to me they seem so insignificant) but I am obviously still bothered by them so they must be affecting me. Let me know if you work up the courage to talk about everything in your next appointment, and if you do -- then please send some of that courage my way!

Something you said really struck me - about not wanting to make his office unsafe. Hmmm. I'll have to give that one some thought....

I hate feeling the anticipation of a deep session, and I know I'd be feeling the same way as you right about now.

You are overthinking it, and leaning towards disasterous outcomes. I would be too...LOL

How about you try taking some deep breaths and associating this with finally being free of what you've held onto for oh so long? FINALLY! It might feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of you.

Easier said than done, I know....

I had a lot of those worries, too, about T's office feeling unsafe after I started telling her, or T herself feeling unsafe. I haven't experienced that, as horribly difficult as some of the trauma sessions have been I don't have a negative association with her office, it still feels like the same safe, peaceful place it always has. PHEW!

As far as T herself, she feels safe too. I had a lot of anxiety of how she would think about me, that she wouldn't believe me mostly and I'm still working on that but now T knows that so she is always telling me that she believes me when I give her new info. I also worry that she will think I'm disgusting, and that has stopped me from being able to give her details about some things. I'm still stuck with that. I've given her enough incidental details that she probably knows what I'm not telling her, but I can't say it.

In cases like that, I'm relying a lot on the fact that T has experience in this and is good at what she does. Maybe later I can give her more details, it's probably going to come out anyway since it's always in my head but I can't get it to come out in words yet.

Anyway! One thing that has helped me is T will usually hand me some silly putty or something like that to manipulate when I'm talking about something especially difficult. It helps keep me grounded, keeps me from digging my nails into my palms or arms, and gives me something to intently focus my gaze on because there is NO WAY I can look at T while I'm telling her this stuff.

I actually carry silly putty and glitter lava in my purse now, so I can get grounded if anxiety hits me when I'm out and about. Not that I ever think to grab it when that happens, but that's the idea...

hope this helps you a little bit, Christina. Good luck on Thursday!!