((((((((((((sj))))))))))
write it all down--stream of consciouness. just write and write and write till you can't write anymore. don't even read what you wrote. then put it away and breath. light a candle for yourself and all the pain and then wrap yourself and that child part in a big blanket and give yourself time and permission to take care of you.
you can get through this. you have survived worse than this. these are feelings and they can't hurt you--they make you feel like cr*p, but they can't harm you.
(this is what T tells us all the time). you may not belive it now, but that's ok. just keep saying it over and over.
find a picture you like--something peaceful, beautiful, or fun. commit that picture,/place to memory and go there when you feel the way you do.
post your thoughts and feelings here.
our thoughts are with you
w_i