my little lily flower

wow its been long time and tomorrows gunna be your second birthday pity your not gunna be here to celebrate hey? can you remember your first birthday? it was reli fun wasnt it? the nurses really tried hard to give you a good birthday but me and daddy wanted you at home. it was a shame you never got to see your bedroom or sleep in your cot or even in my arms. that was the one problem i could hold you in the day all day if i wanted but at night you had to be in your cot. that killed me you know all i could do was sit their in the chair and watch you fade away. i needed you to survive. remember the first time daddy and me were allowed to take you round to the park? you were just walking, but couldnt go for very long cus the drugs were too strong for your tiny body,but you found a love for the swings, for that hour you were just a normal little girl, we were a normal family.the day you were born with the huge lump on your head the nurses pulled you away from me without me or daddy gettin ahug getting to welcome our princess into the world. then they told us the news that whilst in mummys tummy you'd developed a brain tumor and that it was likely you wouldnt live they were wrong about that though wernt they? when i first saw you almost 1 month later i could tell you were going to be a little looker like your daddy, your tiny blonde hairs that never got to grow your baby blue eyes that shone in the sun light as they looked at teh flecks of snow, a gift from god for his brave little one. you did soo well baby, so very well, you held out your life for ages and im glad you did, im glad i got to know you. daddies not here anymore, he left mummy for chelly but i no he still thinks of you everyday, your elder cousins( aunty tracey kids) are living with me but theyre not replacing you were about to move to a new house, and mummies now finnally got a job
i wish you were here to see that. becaus ei still need you hunny iv been covering up my needs but i do. i hope some day youll come home and that this will all be another sick joke. if it is maybe someday ill be with you but well we're parted remember mummy loves you, loves you soooooooooooooooooooo m,uch and i need to hold you again I need you to survive hunny your cosins arnt the same as you theyre not my babies theyre not you, ill always remember you, never forget you im sorry i let you die, im sorry i let you die, im sorry i couldnt die for you, im sorry i couldnt go in your place, you desevred so much better my beautiful angel but please remember i love you remember i
need you i could write to you all day but im just gunna wait incase you come back how wonderful would that be? cus hunny youll always be my baby nomatter what takes place, take care of that brother of your for me tell him i sorry i didnt give him a chance to live and that i love him always.

ily a million times over and over and over
mummy