First off I want to say nobody can be helped until they THEMSELVES want the help, this is something I have learned myself, about not only myself, but various friends and family members.

I am very sorry you are going through this goodgirl26, my thoughts go out to you.

are you or your son in counsuling? Just as much as your son needs help, you too need someone to talk to about the stress and hurt you are feeling in this situation.

As hard as it is to hear, you have to draw a line in the sand in this situation, he can't keep living in your house in that behavior, and to a degree you are enabling him by allowing his behavior to continue, sit down with him and let him know there are going to be ground rules, you need to see he is attempting to want to change. If he isn't going to try and make an effort there will be consquenses, including him having to find somewhere else to live.

Let him know you do love him and care for him, and taht your not doing this to be mean or hateful, but out of love and care for him. He may not accept that now and may lash out, but hopefully later in life he can understand and see it.

Remeber he is an adult and resposnible for his own decisions, When I turned 18 and decied to keep living in my parents house ( I am currently 19 and still living with them) they laid down ground rules, and told me if I ever began drinking heavily or doing drugs they would kick me to the curb, I could continue to have a place to live in their house as long as I was working to a degree and following their ground rules and was respectful to them. There has been a number of instances where they have threatned to kick me out in the past year, and even made me pack my bags so I could see the stress in having to go out on my own with little support, it made me straighten up pretty fast. (my first year at college was not a pretty one) I enrolled in therapy and my parents supported that decision as one to get my behavior in check.

Sometimes the only way to work up, is to hit rock bottom (been there with my own personal demons in life)

I wish you and your son the best goodgirl26,

Sending many peaceful thoughts and best wishes
Typo