I've been waiting for months to make an appointment with the guardian ad litem. I finally get the go ahead that she's received all of the deposits and can schedule. I call this morning and leave voicemail. She calls back to schedule.

I was under the impression that I would take the kids (my lawyer said that's how it would work), so I agreed to a meeting the first day of school at 5:30 p.m. I then asked at the end of the call "this is just for me and the kids, right?" and she said "no, just you. I'll meet the kids at school with no advance warning so there are no accusations of them being coached." So, dumb me, doesn't instantly think "well, then let's reschedule." I wait until I hang up and then go "wait a minute, then that means I have to leave the kids alone, they're going to wonder what's going on, etc." I call back. She's not available. Leave voicemail, verbally stumble all over the place, and tell her she can call or email me. She emails me back and says as soon as we hung up she filled up the rest of her slots for that week and we can meet the following week "if that's a time when you won't have the kids"

Now I feel like an absolute fool because this appointment is partly to show my competence as a parent. If I can't even schedule an appointment that works with my kids' lives without rethinking it after the fact, how good of a parent can I be? I'm worried that one of the slots that got filled after mine is my ex husband's, so now he'll get first crack at defending his actions, when I'm the one who initiated all of this, so technically I should speak first.

I can't believe how I messed this up, especially when my actions are being critiqued.