Let me see if I understand.

He is smart. How were his grades in high school? Did he graduate? Did he have any behavioral problems in school?

He has issues. Besides alcohol what other issues does he have and what kind of help has he received for the issues? Is he diagnosed with mental illness or do you suspect mental illness? Has anybody ever suggested to you that he apply for SSI? Does he drink in your house or at bars or out with friends? How often does he drink? Does he want to stop drinking or does he even care about the legal issues that he is causing himself?

You mention he has no motivation. Not surprising to me for at that age I didn't either. Not a good thing but for me it was part of not knowing where to go with my life and not knowing how to find out. What does he do with his time? Does he spend hours watching TV or playing videogames? Does he have any friends that he visits? If he gets hungry will he cook himself a meal or does he rely on you to feed him?

I am a night person too. I always have been. I worked night shift as a RN for years until my son was born and I wanted to be on a more "normal" schedule. He can find a night shift job if he persists. Plus most places pay a little bit more for night shift. But at the present time it doesn't sound like he is motivated to work. You can't motivate him. That has to come from inside him.

The biggest problem IMO is that he yells at you. That is disrespect. You should not tolerate that and that needs to be clear to him.

I have raised a defiant son myself and it has not been easy. My son has ADHD and bipolar and oppositional defiance disorder. After his step dad went loco he saw me being abused and would hide in his bedroom in fear.

Knowing my son had these problems I tried to be supportive. Didn't work. At the age of fourteen he became a teenage terror. He would stab the walls with knives. Threaten me and others. Grabbed his dad by the neck. He was in psychiatric hospitals three times during his teens. In therapy; no help.

When he was eighteen y/o he was being nasty to me saying F*** You and such. I told him I was feeling down and I didn't want to hear it. He persisted. I really wanted to smack the **** out of him but I knew if I did I would go to jail for battery and he still would not have learned anything. It was midnight and I had all of his crap I could take. So I left the house and drove my car around on the interstate for three hours trying to calm myself and decide what to do. The next day I packed a suitcase and left home. He was sleeping and didn't know I had left. In fact I was gone for three days before he missed me. I had gone to a motel and got a room with a jacuzzi in the room. I needed a break from the stress. I thought and thought and thought. I had already been reading a book "Tough Love". I decided it was time for me to implement tough love and made a plan. I made notes. After five days I was wondering how he was doing without me. Would he be able to feed himself? Would he feed the animals? I called my exhusband and I learned that the state police had a file on me as a missing person. Oops!

But anyway when I came home I found that my son had not fed the dogs or cats or horse. He had barely fed himself. He could have asked my mom or sister to bring him or the animals food but he did not. Before this he has always said he was sick of me and he was going to move to another state. I think this experience helped him learn he was not near ready to live alone in another state.

My son was glad to see me because he thought I was likely dead. I think his concern was more for who would take care of him than for me at that point though. But still I was happy to hear him say he had missed me because for four years he had said few kind things.

I wrote a contract and I explained to my son that things were going to change. I would no longer tolerate his nasty behavior.

Rule 1. I am the boss. ALWAYS.

Rule 2. You don't have to appreciate me but you will respect me or you will leave. Cursing/yelling at me will NOT be tolerated.

Rule 3. You may express your opinion and debate in a civilized manner but whining and bitc*ing will not be tolerated. When I say the discussion/debate has ended for now you will stop talking about it.

Rule 4. When I say to do something NOW you will stop what you are doing and complete the task NOW.

Rule 5. When I tell you to do something non-urgent and I have told you three times and you have not complied there will be a consequence.

Rule 6. Infractions of rules will result in a negative consequence. An item or privilege that you enjoy will be removed to "The Consequence Box" for a time period that I decide.

Rule 7. Threatening harm to persons or property will result in a call to 911 and a charge of assault.

We both signed and dated the contract. He initially tested me. He started losing his X-box and things to the consequence box. I explained to my son that I loved him very much and I wanted him to live with me but if he could not follow the rules then he must leave. And where he went when he left would be his problem. I suggested that some options might be a homeless shelter, the military, live with his dad if his dad would agree, a camp for wayward children or live on the streets. Not my problem.

During the first two months he was still difficult. He cursed me. He lost a privilege. He threw something. He lost a privilege. It was no fun for him and he could see that I was stubbornly persistent. I wasn't his peer; I was his mother and it was my house and I was the boss. He stopped stabbing the walls. He stopped threatening people although he still expressed feeling of wanting to hurt people but we worked together to rephrase his anger into more acceptable terms.

Two years after initiating tough love my son is maturing. He still has his rude moments but nothing like before. I realized how much he has changed after hearing a comment.

He asked me a question. He asked what would I do if I came home and he was intoxicated with alcohol. I have talked to him about the danger of alcohol. Nobody told me you could stop breathing from alcohol poisoning so when I went to college & started binge drinking the only reason I didn't die was because when I was crazy drunk I always threw up. But anyway back to my point... My response to his question was I would ask him why he had made the decision to get drunk & ask if there was a problem or stressor that had provoked him to drink. He said the reason he asked was he had a conversation with a classmate who asked him if he had ever considered trying alcohol & my son had told him he had wondered what it would be like but he still lived with his mom & his mom owned the house & had rules & expectations that he respected.

I was stunned. Mature respect! My defiant child!?! How did this happen? Wow.

I think the very first thing you need to do is demand he respect you. Then he can work on the other issues as he matures and as he develops motivation. The alcohol is a serious issue that will probably need professional help.

Good luck.