I think it is typical for someone who has spent a deal of time thinking negative thoughts to have that residual energy come back. I used suicidal ideation so many times in my youth to cope with all kinds of stress and now my mind subconsciously goes there, but I don't dwell on that. For me being bi-polar is a kin to being an addict and my drug of choice were my excessive emotions. So when I get stressed I go to what is natural for me as a recovering addict. And I agree with many other posters to your response the fact you take the time to share with the community should be commended. I wish well to you and yours.