I am saddened by all you have been through in your young life. I can only imagine how hard it must be to have gone through so much in such a short time. I am far from an expert but I can't help but to feel like you never allowed yourself a chance to learn who you are. You invested yourself so deeply into a relationship with another at such an early part of your life that you never got to connect with yourself. You had a very deep relationship with your husband since you were very young and when we are 15, 16, 17 years old that is when we start to try to figure out who we are. What we want from life. But it seems like you tried to be the perfect partner for your partner and then children came into the picture and even more of your focus was taken from your self exploration. Most of us really don't start to learn what life is about and what we want from it until our mid thirties at best. If I can make the suggestion, put yourself first and do so without guilt. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to allow ourselves a chance to rest, to heal. We say that we have too many other responsibilities to take care ourselves, but you need it so badly. It won't be easy but you need it, your family and most importantly your little ones need it. I know there is peace for you, even in all the darkness there is hope. Make appointments with your doctor, take your medicine, get on government assistance for medicines or even contact the pharmaceutical companies(they often times will help). Your worth it and you will be so much better in all your relationships and responsibilities when you put yourself first. I wish you all the best.