I am in no way trying to categorize or label you, but it seems to me you are a person in conflict. Something about you, in my humble and lay person opinion, seems to be impacted by it. You are after all here and asking these questions. It is not unusual for someone who was sexually abused at pre-sexual age to have a disconnect from the act of sexual penetration. I think that your past traumas have affected you far more deeply then you are currently allowing yourself to feel. Not that you are the ticking time bomb that you think you may be, but I really think that these issues should be addressed with a professional. More often then not the kind of numbness you describe is a very serious disconnect and can result in serious episodes if not dealt with. I don't know if you personally have interpersonal issues in regards to intimacy but many people who have experienced these kinds of things can have difficulties with intimacay on any real level and causes problems in relationships of any fulfillment. I am glad that you have found strength to deal with these things.