Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension
Please don't take any questions or gentle challenging as me being antagonistic and if I cross a line please tel me so. If I offend I apologize sincerely. And not to push an issue but would you say being in an abusive relationship for over fifteen years is in part due to a possible intimacy issue? It is easier to be at odds with someone then to allow them to be close if you feel like someone may be a threat to your emotional well being. It is not uncommon for people who have a hard time "connecting" with people to be involved in a bad relationship because they don't feel bad for keeping them at a safe distance. I certainly don't know how fulfilling your personal relationships are and I ask these questions to get you thinking about things, kind of playing the devils advocate. Not judging or labeling.
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No worries. Truly. Not only have you not offended, but I don't offend easily. All's good.
Regarding this past relationship of 15 years. I was the one who carried it emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, (would have financially, but he earns far more than I would ever have, so I left that for him to succeed with...lmao).
The ex suffered from some tragic losses prior to our marriage, and I felt it necessary to assist with the emotional support of him and his kids (his wife died a tragic, sudden death at age of 35..she was my best friend, as was so my ex, then also a good friend).
It wasn't a matter of MY inability to be intimate, supportive or caring. I carried it all until I couldn't take anymore of the downgrading and demeaning behavior, (I left just last August). But, I endured that over such a long period of time, that I gradually became emotionally absent to HIM..and, as a result, I am the one now effected long term, though attending to my recovery. That's no problem. Slow process, but a gradual improvement, nonetheless.
Ascension, I know that you're not judging or labeling. No worries, alright? And I truly do appreciate your tossing me these suggestions to ponder....
Shangrala
