Wow, Yoda, thanks so much for this...this thread has really been bothering me because I didn't seem to understand exactly what goodgirl was trying to get at but for some reason I really felt motivated to try to come up with a solution...
Your personal experience and advice sounds difficult to implement, but very wise and doable.

Goodgirl62, I never meant to imply that you didn't care about your son. I think that I could sense your frustration and hopelessness and was reacting to that. I hope that you get care and support for yourself, too. I think taking care of their own well-being is the best thing a parent can do for their child. I hope that this situation becomes less stressful and more hopeful soon.