Vickie, your encouragement means a lot to me.
One thing I'm afraid of, is that if I start facing the fears I will spiral downward and go back to using a lot of the bad coping mechanisms (SI, eating disorder, alcohol, sui). I'm at a place where I am functioning pretty well right now, and I have to be ok for my family. I know I could 'just do it' --- but then I don't know how I would handle it.
So...when you did it, did it make things worse for you? How did you handle that?

Amante, I'm sorry you deal with this too.
Like you, I have had many relationships become very strained because of it. They just don't understand, and they think I am being unreasonable. Unfortunately what I am avoiding used to be a huge part of my life. So I have been left completely empty and direction-less.....like I am a shell of the person I used to be.

Thanks for understanding, Amante.