I am sorry that you have gone through such a traumatic medical experience and it is sad that it wasn't just on one occasion but I hope you don't identify yourself too much with the physical trauma of all this. You are a strong person to have made it this far. Also take the opportunity to go into court not to condemn the doctor(s) because then it becomes about them and it should be about you. You deserve to be compensated. You deserve to be heard and the pain that you experienced needs to be expressed. I also hope that you can learn to forgive. Not for their sake but for yours. I know all these things are hard to do when you have been so hurt by all of this but I think it will help you heal. My hope and well wishes are with you and your loved ones as you begin the healing process and most importantly allow yourself to feel your way through this. Don't feel bad or shameful for being so hurt that you need your time to heal. You are worth it and time will show that to be true I am sure. Good luck and reach out if you need it.