hi Brennan, welcome to PC

I'm sorry you're so depressed, especially so young, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You would be AMAZED at how many people suffer from depression, and how many of them are young like you. Chances are, if you walk around your school or your neighbourhood, a number of the people you wouldn't think are depressed are taking medication, in therapy or, like you, are hiding their pain.

I understand why you don't want to talk to your dad. I don't tell my family much about my depression. They know I have it, but they don't know many details -- only my counsellor does. I don't like to worry them. It's very hard to tell your parents that you're so unhappy you can barely function. So we approach my depression very clinically, in my family. My parents know when I see the doctor, they know if the doctor makes any lifestyle or medication recommendations, they know if I'm having a good week or a bad week, but we don't get into the details. They know if anything is seriously wrong, I'll tell them, and I know that if I want to, I can go to them. But for the most part we don't, and that's okay too. Your family doesn't have to be your main source of emotional support. For a lot of people, that's just impossible, either because their family won't understand, will worry, or is quite often a big contributor to emotional problems in the first place.

Do you have someone else you can talk to? What about a school counsellor? If you don't want to do that, please call your local suicide hotline and talk to the professionals there. They're caring and understanding and can help you figure out where to go from here. If anything, I think you should see a doctor RIGHT AWAY. If you think you're in serious danger of hurting yourself, get to the ER. Don't think, just GO. Your priorities are, in this order: staying alive, getting help, explaining things to your family. What you have is an illness and it needs to be treated as such. It's no different than going to the doctor when you break your leg -- you wouldn't try to set the bone on your own, would you?

Another thing ... do NOT put your father's depression ahead of your own. It's a caring, noble thing to do, but it won't help either of you. What would make your father feel worse? Knowing you're depressed, or losing you and wishing he could have done something to help? Depression has been found to run in families ... it's nobody's fault -- not yours or his -- if it's in your genes.

((((((((((Brennan))))))))))))

Please keep yourself safe. I can tell you're in a lot of pain, but you don't have to feel this way forever. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.