Like a very bad dream I can't wake up from. Like a monster inside of me, consuming me from the inside out. Like a merry-go-round that spins my thoughts around until I don't know what to think or what I'm thinking. Like something is sucking the life out of me. Like something is shattering my heart while I race around and try to gather the pieces. Like a heavy fog that settles over me and draps me in confusion. Aching. Dull pain. Dispair. Fatigue. A disinterest. Not caring. Wanting, yearning, desiring, but not having. Wanting to hurt myself. Wanting to die. Wishing to sleep forever. Confusion. Searching. Hiding. Fear. Anxiety. Something. And nothing at all.