I've been diagnosed with BP II.

Normally, I am very depressed for long periods. Improvement, when it comes, is usually signaled by rapid mood swings, then a gradual rise into hypo-mania. It is usually so gradual that I've often only identified that I'm manic after I have been that way for a while. Of course, by then I also see all the damage I've done to my life in the mean time.

I don't think this pattern is unusual. What is new is that I was recently promoted at work and moved into a nice apartment, all the while in the midst of a manic episode and under great pressure. So that sustained the high I had already been experiencing for much longer time than normal. It's like running an engine at full speed until it gives out.

I crashed hard a month ago but now, instead of just symptoms of depression: loss of interest in things I normally enjoy, thinking and saying very negative things about myself, loss of appetite; but I also have symptoms of mania: aggressive, quick to anger, full of energy with no release, racing thoughts, taking on multiple activities at once and a sudden increase in sex drive (blush), all these long posts; and my anxiety level is high. Just before I melted down entirely, I had 2 panic attacks in a fairly short time. All these things are occurring in constantly changing and random ways.

Everything is going haywire in my head. I'm having a lot of bad thoughts I can't describe right now; I feel constantly afraid but I have no idea what I'm afraid of.

If you've experienced something similar, I think sharing your insights would help me get a grip. I would be grateful whether here or in private. Many times I've seen posters calling themselves crazy and replies saying he/she is not crazy.... but right now I really do feel like I am going crazy.