Hi captain! Welcome to PC. It's a great place to come to chat about being happy, sad, or just to share or vent or whatever! Everyone is very friendly and helpful. I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy. Diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2007 but just got changed to Bipolar I (though I've never been manic) 1 week ago. I hear you expressing frustraion, hopelessness, fear right now. I understand that and go through all the same emotions frequently. I will need meds the rest of my life and most people with bipolar disorder will. I am hoping that after a while my moods will even out and I will become more stable. Feel free to Private message (PM) me any time. Hang in there and keep your head up. You won't always feel like you feel now.