Hi all,

This is a long post but I would appreciate your time and advice because I'm really really struggling!
Up until the end of August 2008 I was in a very happy relationship then all of a sudden I have a bad day and have this horrible thought that i didn't love her. This was a horrible thought and words cannot describe how low it made me feel. Unfortunately no matter what I did, the thought wouldn't go away. When we did have great times together or I wanted to support her I would think "God I hope them thoughts don't come back!" Obviously they did.

Eventually I left but I returned in a hope that i could get over this. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Whenever I try and see sense or make an argument for what I'm doing, my mind will automatically come back with a contradiction or an argument against. I was going insane!
Then one day I just an off day where I didn't feel attracted to her, and I thought I must be gay. I've had gay thoughts before and sometimes they I enjoyed them, but I have never wanted to have a gay relationship and before this I was always attracted to women and never thought twice about men. The thought made me nervous and I wanted to get rid of it.
Luckily I managed it, and my sex life with my gf wasn't affected, I was still enjoying it.

The other day though, I just randomly thought, God I hope I'm not gay, and the floodgates open!! My mind tries to convince me its what I am and what I want and sometimes I have urges (which I hav never possessed before). This isn't who I want to be and I'm not homophobic, my best mate is gay. Any man I see now, I have horrible thoughts and urges. As I say I have had thoughts before but thats all they remained, thoughts! I knew I was straight because I desired women all the time and that has not changed. I think of nothing else but these thoughts and I can constantly trying to argue with them. The fact is, this all started from a gay scene in a book and the thought just popped into my head. I KNOW that if I hadn't had that thought there and then by reading that book, I would feel no urge to do it. My main fear is that I won't feel sexually attracted to women anymore, I am seeing my gf this weekend and am panicked I won't be able to get these thoughts out my head!!! So scared, I can feel my mind Finding it hard to cope now. It seems that when one obsession (the love issue) isn't as bad, my mind decides to come up with another. I have nothing else to keep my mind occupied with as I only work a couple of days a week!

Please help me find a way to rid me of these thoughts or urges. Or even a way to live with them, but carry on with my heterosexual relationship. I have had much worse urges in the past, some even to do with family, but I got over them! Now I find myself looking at everyone who goes past and when I'm not disgusted by the thought of that man, I panic and when I don't feel urges for every gorgeous woman who goes back.

I spend all my time looking at sites to convince myself this isn't me and I'm actually normal. The worst of the gay thoughts started a few days ago, the night before that I was having a talk with my gf and had desires for her.

Is this normal behaviour that I have turned into an obsession?