I totally get what you mean about having two brains. I sort of talked myself into my first self injury event, part of me knew it was wrong, and that it woudln't help in the long run, but I was so desperate for something to take my mind off the emotional pain I was dealing with. In the end it only took my mind off things until I got to the ER, then I got a tons more emotional crap to try to deal with on top of the stuff I had already running around in my head. One thing that I found a bit shocking is how addicting SI is (at least for me), it's not a good way to cope.