Well, the way I figured it was it had to do with my partner making himself out to be this relatively innocent, inexperienced person then (inadvertently) coming clean on Christmas day to not be so innocent. The way I figure it is the dying children is related to that - I felt like he had taken away the, for lack of a better word, naive person I fell for. These nightmare where all around this time and the week after. One night I had three back-to-back (that drained me lol).
I'm rather curious about whether I'm on the right track with my thinking....
Thanks for the replies  
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"I don't want to die, but I'm not keen on living either"
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