TheByzantine - i've been giving your question some thought and despite you only asking about what one small thing i can do, i simply don't have an answer. What do you do? What do other people do?

Echos - yeh there is more to this than a simple 'i hate you' feeling although that is what i really, really want to try and make myself feel! But honestly i feel stuck because i still (pathetically) want them to like me even though/if i treat them 'badly'. So i walk a really thin line between all out severing the ties and keeping them still liking me. You're right, I should talk to my therapist about this at some point.

Junerain - I am finding it hard to write down what self destructive things i do...i don't think i could stand to see it written in black and white in front of me right now. But i can understand your self destructive pattern. I find it difficult to see past the short term when i'm so angry/depressed/hurt because the long term becomes irrelevant...how do you manage? I think i'm really sensitive so i pick up on cues that most people won't and i'm drawn into quite needy, dependent friendships where i end up having the life sucked out of me(!!)....and those that aren't needy i guess i feel unwanted because they're not dependent on me. If that makes any sense!
You're right i do 'reject' people because it makes me more in control. I am so scared of getting friendly with someone only for them to walk away from me, or for me to be emotionally exhausted by their needs. I can't seem to find any middle ground...

I love my sister because we have an equal give/take friendship.