When I first read it this post, it started me dwelling on my own past and I wanted to use that to give a better reply.

I can remember far more of my childhood now than I could 20 years ago. I hated my childhood but I can remember some good things. Incidentally, I think that helped keep me from doing some drastic things I considered during that time.

Now that I have been naval gazing for the last several years, more and more childhood memories are coming back to me, whole sequences of hurtful events rushing back into my head in waves. Each time, something sadistic in me keeps picking at the old wounds. I can't help but focus on it entirely, bringing it back to life as fully as possible no matter how much it hurts and I can practically see it all happening in technocolor. I'm not sure it's doing me any good because I do it more and more now and so I'm lost in the past. So there's good and bad in that. I think eventually some good stuff will come back if there's any more to find.

But like you, I have huge blanks, not much positive stuff, and for more recent events, I have a really hard time with the order in which they occurred plus much of what has been said above. On the other hand, I remember random people I hardly knew who have wronged me in one way or the other because I can't let go of even the smallest stuff except when I'm manic.

I was really confused and more than a bit scared when I was in my 20's and 30's because I could remember almost nothing of my elementary school years and very little of the rest and yet I was also afraid of what I might remember. Frankly, I believe Lamictal has helped free my mind to begin to be able to recall those memories since the timing seems right... if I recall correctly lol.

It's disturbing, I know. Although I still remember only a small fraction of that time, it was a relief when I began to remember. I hope the same for you.