Thanks everyone for sharing. Its incredibly hard to not remember things that seem like I should be able to remember. But I know its a defensive thing. My childhood was wrought with one traumatic event after another. My mother and 2 stepfathers were both horribly physically and mentally abusive to me and my one brother (the one who committed suicide when he was 16 and I was 18), but for some reason neither abused my 2 younger siblings (thank goodness), I think part of the reason they didn't is that I would put myself between them and take their punishments if I could. All I remember is pain and being terrified of my mother (and to a lesser degree, each of my step fathers). My mom was also an alcoholic and drug addict and started AA and NA when I was a teen. That was a really strange time.

Anyway, good or bad, I really wish I could remember and get over it. My past is what has created this person I am today and I hope that if I could deal with my past, I could become more whole today.