I think I know what you mean.
I know my panic attacks and depression are real, and when I'm experiencing them I REALLY don't want to be. When I'm feeling good though, I almost want there to be something wrong with me, and I haven't the slightest clue why. I always feel horrible and selfish when I feel like that, knowing there are people out there that really do have it bad and they never asked for it.

Just for the record though, I never want a panic attack. Those a HORRIBLE! And exhausting.