thanks for the offer to pm, sweetie .

re: being more balanced + people my own age. i don't know where he got that one from. it's not like i hang around with old farts my whole life. i have my 3 girlfriends from high school still. up until december i had my best friends living a block from uni (they moved back to the US ). i go to uni, i have ppl my own age there (not too many friends, but i didnt really get to know anyone last year).

but point being... it's not like the only people i have in my life are austin-t and pdoc. nor is the case that i don't do anything other than uni. i'm back at my part time job, i did a photography course, i went travelling etc. i used to do heaps of stuff until the depression eated them away. but now that it's gone i've been picking it up again.

austin-t telling me he wants me to hang around ppl my own age and be 'more balanced' strikes me as condescending, as if i'm not doing this stuff already. he also said he wants me to continue trying, as if i'm going to be idiotic enough to go "oh look, it's a new year, i'm going to give up now".

the 'dependent' thing is a major trigger for me. i don't feel dependent on him and it hurts that he thinks i am. pdoc has been working with me for 5yrs to stop being so independent, to accept help from other people, to let down my guard a bit etc. and so i thought i was doing well with austin-t, because i had started to let him help me, but apparently that now means i'm dependent and is a bad thing.

more than anything it makes me sad because this is the second therapist i've really tried to work with and it hasn't worked out. i feel sad for pdoc, because it must mean i'm a difficult client, but he's still sticking with me. if i was a good person i would give him a break also.