My Support Forums - View Single Post

PurpleFlyingMonkeys · Jan 21, 2010, 08:13 AM

So I was diagnosed about 8 years ago with a long list of mental disorders. Hmm let's see, DID, schizophrenic, manic depressive, PTSD, bipolar and BPD. I decided to kind of self undiagnose myself if that makes any sense and decided I don't have PTSD or BPD. Last time I did this is was DID, and it's obvious that diagnosis was correct. (Yes therapists are the ones who diagnosed me and many therapists agree with the diagnosis.

Anyways, so I have been thinking all along I don't have BPD. I don't have impulse issues, I don't drink and drive, I don't take over night trips to Paris... But than I sit back and think about it, think about how many times I've had no money for food even yet I run out and charge $2,200 on a credit card on clothes and electronics. I've been doing this sort of thing for 3 months, I've been running from my problems, I live in my car now, have no money and I just can't stop. I know I'm running from all of my problems with my impulses but I can't face them. I can't own up to the fact that I have no money, no home and no job.

Anyways, I've been doing everything spur of the moment, without thinking about the consequence and if I do think about the consequence I just ignore it and I don't care, because facing my problems seems much harder than the consequences of my impulses. I know that's not real but it feels that way.

So now I'm thinking for the last 3 months I've maybe been going through a BPD episode, I go through all my mental disorders in episodes and I think this is a long one. But the point of this post is to ask, how do you come out of a 3 month episode? I see all the problems piled up that I was hiding from, new problems from my lack of concern with all things and I'm drowning out here. I can't figure out how to slow down and pick my life back up.

I go go go. I don't stop to think, when I do think I stop and go go go and spend spend spend. I can't live like this any more. I have no money and no job and I have been sleeping in my car for 3 months and I have a daughter I need to get better for. Any advice on how to get out of this rut? I need to slow down I just don't know how. Any advice would be much appreciated!