{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jill, Heidu, Tomi, Darrel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Maybe it was a mistake for me to participate in this thread. I know that it's about confronting our inner conflict, but I think those who are going to do that need to confront their own inner conflict, and be supported by their friends here, and that being confrontational with each other can get hurtful. Jill and Heidu are innocent bystanders trying to mediate to keep people they care about from getting hurt. They have cautioned us before. Thanks for being there. Darrel, that was a very painful life story you shared with us. I really admire the work that you have done with yourself and that you want to use your experience to help other people. Tomi, I know that you hurt too. I'm sure that the fires are not helping anything. I admire you so much too, and the things you have overcome in your life and how you have grown and become a caring person so different from your mother and grandmother. Even for those who have agreed to confront conflict together, I just think we need to use some caution about pushing each other's buttons. There isn't really a need for labels is there? And isn't it okay to agree to disagree sometimes?

Confrontation was the topic we just covered in my interviewing and counseling class. There were a couple of questions asked in class on Friday that I would like to share with you here. Someone asked, "So, is confrontation one of the main goals of therapy?" Answer: "No. It is used sparingly and always in a therapeutic manner. You have to be supportive when you use confrontation. It's about helping the client to recognize the incongruity and work through it and help them to gain a better understanding." Question: "Should you always point out every incongruity that you notice?" Answer: "No, there are lots of things that you will just let slide. If you aren't sure if it's important, if it is, it will come back up again later. You have to decide what is most important to confront."

In another thread I told you about when I was confronted by a therapist about that nervous smile when I talked about suicide. Even professional therapists make mistakes when they use confrontation. In that case, he was not supportive and didn't help me, and just made me so uncomfortable that I ran away and never went back, and 14 years later that memory is still painful. Not so bad now, especially since I finally do understand it. We really need to be careful about confrontation, especially since we can't see each other and don't really have any way of knowing how much someone actually hurts. I know that none of us means to hurt anyone, but when you feel hurt it gets hard to remember that. I hope everybody is okay.

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Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>