My Support Forums - View Single Post - Reading biographies has saved me from myself!

amante · Jan 21, 2010, 02:56 PM

Junerain,
This is my story and my letter to Oprah, that I think sums up my journey so far in life, it might be an encouraging read for you too.
I wanted to share it with the hopes that it can encourage and inspire someone that might be feeling low and like giving up. I never sent the letter to Oprah, but that's another story.

Dear Oprah:
Can I tell you that my favorite movie line is "This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime", it is from the movie The Bridges of Madison County and it is with overwelming certainty in my heart that I share with you my inspiring story of the endurance of the human spirit. I am a survivor, not of Breast Cancer or Leukemia or another terrible illness but I am a warrior who has journeyed through four epic life-changing events that have shown me the true meaning of the depth and courage of my existence. I survived domestic violence, the immigration to America to build a brand new life, the heartbreak of infertility and the pain and suffering of a medical malpractice mistake. I have endured two decades of pushing the very limits of my courage and bravery, my hopes and dreams and the amazing barriers that the human heart and mind can break through.
After 3 years of physical and mental abuse, I knew that I would be dead or in intensive care so I found the strenght and inner courage to leave my abuser. Leaving my violent relationship came with a price, to accomplish this I had to leave behind my entire family to immigrate to the United States for my safety. I travelled solo and arrived at Newark Airport with just one suitcase and a few dollars. I knew no-one in this country but slowly built up friendships and contacts and made a life for myself far away from my folks back home. I found the courage to trust again and finally married my husband. Our life was golden, I had the picket fence, the perfect husband and the excitement of starting a family of my own. Yet that excitement was taken from me when I was faced with infertility and learned that the only way for me to carry a child was by the method of Invitro Fertilization. I cried many tears and asked "Why Me, hadn't I endured enough hurt, pain and humiliation?". Though I was certain of one thing, I knew I would walk through fire to have the miracle of a child. So once more my human spirit pushed me through the unfamiliar territory of needles and infertility drugs and we were blessed with two healthy pregnancys. I gave birth to two very special miracle boys. My life felt complete and I finally experienced true happiness and even though I paid an steep price for the freedom of domestic violence there would always be the emotional void that my immediate family were so far away. Becoming a mother after yearning for so many years helped me to realize the sacrifices I had made were meant to be. The certainty I felt surrounded by the love of my husband and children was truly the kind that comes but once in a lifetime, just like the movie line and I wanted to be paused in this moment for all eternity.
Sadly the happiness was lost just months after the birth of my youngest son, and during a routine hernia repair surgery I was the victim of a medical malpractice mistake. It was without a doubt the most hardest experience of my life. It's ironic, I came from another country as a battered woman and now in my land of promise at the hands of a doctor, I was once more a battered woman. The mistake left me disabled and we are now in the middle of a very intense legal lawsuit, where this nightmare remains fresh and raw each day and our broken lives seem impossible to rebuild. I reflect and realise that I have lived half of my life with the feeling of being damaged yet deep within my soul, I felt a compelling drive to fight for what I know in my heart and spirit was right. A drive so strong that I left behind loved ones, a drive to mend a damaged heart, a drive to rebuild a shattered life, a drive to find justice and a drive to heal from the inside out. I often question what is it within the human spirit that gives us the inspiration and desire to warrior through our darkest days, I know my faith and trust in God is present, and I know an inner force shines through.
In my darkest moments I know that I have come through this for a reason, I know with certainty that God must hand pick those with the unbreakable core, those that can be strong enough to endure the pain and suffering. I was chosen to live this life and found myself proud of what I have been through and survived. When you glance at someone from a distance, do you know their inner pain, their inner demons - are they damaged beyond repair? I write to your show with the hopes that I can inspire at least one person, to share with someone in the middle of domestic violence that there is a way out, to grieve with someone that is infertile and share their lost dreams of parenthood, to tell someone that a new life is waiting for them, to remind someone that it wasn't their fault and to cry with someone who feels broken and destroyed. Your show inspires me each day when the day has beaten me down. Perhaps you'll have a show topic like mine one day where women can talk about multiple tests of their courage and fight and determination. My path may continue to be mapped out with trials and tribulations, it could be the part of a higher plan, perhaps I am yet to endure the biggest challenge that my spirit will conquer. I hope and dream that the next fourty years are quiet and settled, with the joys of normalcy, just watching our children growing up and giving us weddings and grandchildren to prepare for. When my children scatter my ashes or bury my soul, both they and I will know that they were loved intensely, cherished and wanted and needed. I think they'll remember Mommy as a woman of herculean strenght, whose inner spirit battled like a warrior and never gave up.
I would love to be a part of your show, in any form or any way. Maybe I could benefit from a make over, I sure have plenty of battle scars. But most of all, I would love to be blessed and hugged by you and to share my story to inspire others and perhaps benefits from some of your wise words of wisdom and therapy. I hope you and your staff enjoyed reading my letter. Amanda