thanks for all of your replies. i'll try to keep mine brief (heading off to work shortly).
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
In reading your posts, i've never picked up on you being overly dependent. It sounds like you have friends your own age, and you've recently traveled, which also shows independence....
Could it be possible that his superiors are getting on his back about any patients that he is seeing long-term, or who have have very frequent sessions? Perhaps they are telling him he must start spacing their sessions out and helping them become more independent, so as to create room for new patients?
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the travel thing struck me as odd - he said to me how he was surprised that i actually did end up going. i was a bit like
. at one point (when i was trying to pack/organise everything) i did feel like "this is not worth it", but i did end up going off, and i'm kind of disappointed that he questioned me in that way.
re: your hypothesis. wish it was the case, but austin-t is top gun. i was seeing him in his private practice before, and now he's moved me to his other spot (it's a counselling centre) at which he's mother superior also. so any decision re: therapy is ultimately made by him. and i'm confused why he would need to create space for new clients at the expense of his currently existing ones?
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
SO! I am wondering, can you tell Austin-T what you said here? That you ARE spending time living your life, being with friends your own age, etc. And that you find it condescending that he said that to you.
Deli, isn't Austin-T a CBT therapist? I wonder if he is ABLE to do the trauma work with you. I wonder if his focus is 100% "get out there and live your life!"...when what you are needing is some deeper healing?
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thanks, tree. i might leave the condescending comment for another day, if it ever comes up again. i think he was into this big "it's a new year, a new you" mode yesterday & trying to be all inspirational, but he was just telling me things i've done all along anyway so it rubbed me up the wrong way. i kept asking him to give me specifics (how do you mean keep persevering? how am i meant to do it differently from before?) but he was just like "oh, like you've always done".
austin-t does do CBT, but that's mainly at my request (given the issues we've worked with before). his personal preference is for DBT and object-relations therapy, and we've moved away from the CBT model recently where it's been appropriate. at the moment i'm trying to stay away from trauma stuff, because the big issue revolves around moving out of home and i dont need trauma work interfering (and i dont trust austin-t enough to go into that just yet).
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
It sounds strange to me too. I've never quite understood your relationships with austin-T vs pdoc, and I apologize for not making time to get them clear. It seems complicated to me.
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no apologies required! i've been seeing pdoc for meds for 5yrs now. when i started seeing him, no amount of medication was helping (we've finally struck gold on the 13th try) so pdoc referred me to a psychologist just to help me with managing uni (i kept withdrawing due to the depression). pdoc has never been exclusively meds-only, so we've always talked about my family and stuff and how things are going. i only told him last year (after 4 years of being together) about the abuse stuff, so he's let me work that stuff out with him because i dont trust people easily at all and it would be counterproductive to get me to work it through with a different therapist if they also had to wait four years.
with austin-t in the picture, it's turned more into pdoc being my safety blanket. he looks after me a lot and i feel safe with him. austin-t does the hard work, in terms of getting results, but i take more risks with disclosure in telling pdoc things. it's kind of like pdoc works on relationships with me (slowly, gently, tangentially), and austin-t does everything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snakebit
It does NOT mean you are a difficult client. It means that you may have not found the right therapist. But from what you have typed, this is his issue, not yours.
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thank you for saying ths, snakebit. i'll try to keep it in mind. it's not necessarily me that is bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by googley
(((((Deli))))
I was also thinking that this was weird. I remember a little while ago (though don't remember exactly how long ago) that austin-t suggested that you just see him and not see pdoc also. It seems strange that he would now be suggesting that you not see him.
The only other thing that I could think of (and have no idea if this is what he is thinking or not) is that he is thinking about the offer he made to be your supervisor and is uncomfortable being your T at the same time. Maybe he is trying to limit your T work so that you can transition into him being your supervisor (but he did it in a bad way?) I know in the US that professional guidelines would highly be against that kind of dual relationship. It would be hard to separate out what is T and what is supervision. What you are paying for and what you are talking about etc. Feel free to totally reject this hypothesis as totally unfounded, I will not be upset at all.
I just want you to feel safe and feel better. |
googley - yeah, it's interesting you remember that! when i asked austin-t if it was ok to keep seeing him, he did immediately jump to that conversation and started talking about the ethics of it all. he said there wasn't anything unethical about what we're doing and that he had sorted things out with pdoc. the supervisor thing is also not likely, just because that would only happen a few years away (2 at least, and it's not set in stone). i'd rather have him as a therapist than as a supervisor, anyway.
gosh, i feel upset with austin-t. i was really depressed about it yesterday but today i'm just upset. it's not going to spoil my day but i feel like shaking him and saying "pull yourself together!". if you want me to be less dependent, then stop telling me what to do (
especially when they are things i'm already doing). and don't ask me questions (weekly or fortnightly?) and create the illusion that i have a choice, when you've already decided what you would like and what you will offer and that weekly isn't an option.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
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thanks, zoo
. i can understand being
too dependent, but i'm angry because my life does
not!! revolve around him, and i make decisions on my own and i've been doing things on my own. he has taught me a lot since april, for sure, but it's been me putting all of that into action.
i know i have rubbed previous therapists up the wrong way - i always let the last decision fall with me, i don't just take their word as gospel and try it out unless it makes sense or seems beneficial. pdoc sometimes says "just trust me, deli!!" and he's the only person allowed to say that because he's the only person i will trust.
i've never had a fear of abandonment, because 'abandonment' kind of sounds like if the other person left, then i wouldn't be able to cope. i know i will cope, i certainly don't need other people in my life. my biggest insecurity is the fear of rejection, though - i
want other people, even if i dont need them. and i'm angry at austin-t right now because it feels like i'm being rejected for something that isn't even true of me (being dependent).
UGH!
(haha, not such a short reply afterall 
).