i've sort of felt that way blue moon (i type your name and like break out into song..every time..its so good i live alone)...

i know my parents were evil demon spawn. but yet....there is a part of me that feels all of what i have remembered will be counted as false because i didn't give them a chance to say.."no you have lied." like if i went to a psychic they would appear and tell me i have lied..yeah i could be on some fake tv psychic show and my evil dead parents would show up..just my luck!

it's like i have to get their approval first for it to be okay even tho i know i never will..they will never admit anything they did was wrong or that i asked for anything.

so i get your feeling..even my brother and sister would feel the same way..its like i am too selfish for this..its all about me..

well guess what...yep it is. they were evil. maybe my memories may not be etched totally in stone..maybe i can't prove them totally..but i am messed up enough to know something seriously wrong happened growing up..alot. so yeah..it is about me..i can't heal my sister or brother and frankly don't want to..the evil parents are dead...so can't heal them. and they were adults who should have known better.

you have feelings that something just ain't quite right..in law enforcement we called it the "just ain't quite right test...looks like a duck, quacks, walks, etc...then it's a duck." very scientific. chances are your parents would never admit something wrong might have happened..even if it was a little wrong..even if it was a little like say spanking (going for an example here)..because people don't like to be called wrong.

it takes time..what i did and still do when the feeling hits is make a list of what i consider off with me...as compared to everyone else..and then i look at it and say...well obvioulsy something must have occurred for this to have resulted. will i ever have 100% scientific proof..no..just my heart & memories..but thats good enough for me.

things will ease with time....until then do what i do...oh and i avoid those psychic tv shows.

stumpy