My name is "Lefty" and I am an addict. I have been in recovery for over 1,225 days and I am having problems that are pulling me to the pain killers that almost killed me. I was addicted for over 8 years and I fight my addiction every day because of my illness. Once I got clean, I stayed clean at any cost. Even though I was and am in pain every day, I made the best of a bad situation. Now I am finding myself wanting the drugs more than ever because my husband is drinking more than ever. He say's he'll quit, does for a few days and then right back to it. He protests that he can do it alone which all of us addicts know we can't. We have to work the program and have the support of others. I know he is going to fail every time he says he's quitting. It is effecting his job and I basically stay out of his way, even though we don't fight about it. That's because I "mind my own business". His addiction is his and his alone. My addiction and recovery is mine. I was addicted to every pain killer you can think of, including methadone and morphine and other opioids. I had several Docs so I could get pain killers from all of them. I was in a fog for so long that I blocked out my family including my daughters and grandchildren. I asked myself how I got in so deep and then I realized it was me who allowed me to get in. I have called on my "HP" which is the Lord God himself when I feel weak. I look at my husband when he is totally drunk sitting at the computer playing poker and he passes out and blacks out. I do not wake him to come to bed. I am not his mother. If he is passed out on the floor, I leave him there. I have even taken pictures of him drunk and passed out and they have no effect on him whatsoever. He comes from a long line of alcoholics. His father died from abuse, his mother is bearly holding on right now, his younger brother has drank since he was 15 and he is now 41. His other brother is also an alcoholic. He just don't get it. He never will unless he admits that he has a problem, we all know that. Now I will have to make the ultimate decission to stay clean no matter how bad I want drugs just so I can block out the pain of seeing him the way he is. That is my demon, not his. His is his demon, not mine. Pray!