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Originally Posted by stumpy
i've sort of felt that way blue moon (i type your name and like break out into song..every time..its so good i live alone)...
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Shhh....this is a secret...so do I......shhhhhhh.....
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i know my parents were evil demon spawn.
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I have to tell you stumpy, you really do crack me up. Even when I am feeling really low, when I read these funny little ditty's it takes me out of head for a moment.....
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but yet....there is a part of me that feels all of what i have remembered will be counted as false because i didn't give them a chance to say.."no you have lied." like if i went to a psychic they would appear and tell me i have lied..yeah i could be on some fake tv psychic show and my evil dead parents would show up..just my luck!
it's like i have to get their approval first for it to be okay even tho i know i never will..they will never admit anything they did was wrong or that i asked for anything.
so i get your feeling..even my brother and sister would feel the same way..its like i am too selfish for this..its all about me..
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That is exactly exactly how I feel. Can I reach into the bowels of New Jersey and hug you?
I feel the same way, that somehow they will appear to scold me and tell me what a liar I am. My mother especially would never ever say she was sorry for anything, ever. Admit she was wrong? Never in a million years. She is perfect, right about everything and everyone (and you know she has an opnion about everyone) and above any kind of reproach. If she does have to or if FORCED to admit she is wrong, she will collapse into a puddle and cry in her typical attempt to extract as much sympathy for her poor self as she can get from anyone who will listen. Even if she has to exaggerate and lie, she tell the story in a way that makes her not really wrong, just not responsible. "Blue was such a horrid child, how could I have reacted any other way???? POOR ME!"
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well guess what...yep it is. they were evil. maybe my memories may not be etched totally in stone..maybe i can't prove them totally..but i am messed up enough to know something seriously wrong happened growing up..alot. so yeah..it is about me..i can't heal my sister or brother and frankly don't want to..the evil parents are dead...so can't heal them. and they were adults who should have known better.
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yup, they are responsible and should have known better. Even if they were able to manipulate how you remember events. My brother is the same way. I will forever be the bad girl. I dont want to make him my project, I have my own projects and my own life to lead. He justifies being abusive to me by telling himself how bad I am, too.
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it takes time..what i did and still do when the feeling hits is make a list of what i consider off with me...as compared to everyone else..and then i look at it and say...well obvioulsy something must have occurred for this to have resulted. will i ever have 100% scientific proof..no..just my heart & memories..but thats good enough for me.
things will ease with time....until then do what i do...oh and i avoid those psychic tv shows.
stumpy
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Did you ever write a letter (no-send, but they are dead...like mine) to either of your parernts? Nothing held back, just a letter with as much detail as you can remember?